Dying To Self

"How can I be even more in love with You? How can I be closer to You?" I asked God.
"Be willing to die to yourself," I felt the Holy Spirit whispered into my heart.

Ok... Die to myself.... But how???? That was all He said, or at least what I could hear. The whole week I was thinking about it. I've heard about dying to self many times. To me, its normally associated with bearing the cross, following Jesus, placing my life on the altar as a sacrifice, submitting to authority above you... So, what really is dying to self?

The results of the final round of the preaching challenge was accounced during service. I did not manage to get into the finals. I was sad... and disappointed. As I shared with my cell leader, she rebuked me and said that I was disappointed because I was too "self-focused" and that I felt bad because the outcome had not met my expectations. It was because of my pride, my attitude, and my fear of failure. I was too concerned about how man will think of me.

Yea, you could imagine that I felt even worse. She had told me many things as well that I should change. She was rebuking me till she started crying. At that moment, I felt so bad that I started to weep as well. From then, the entire atmosphere of the conversation changed. All I said was, "I'm sorry..... Though its.... hard... But.. I will not give up.....I will keep on trying....."

All of a sudden I felt so much love for my leader and I could feel the wall that was between us began to break down. Ah! Thank God so much for a leader like her!

Today, as I was fasting and reading the Scriptures, the Holy Spirit led me to this verse in Philippians 2:3 "let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself." That's right! It was my selfish ambitions, my pride that caused me to drift away from God!

Then He led me to 1 John 4:18 "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment...." My bitterness, disappointments are due to the fears in my life. Fear of failure, fear of rejection by people! But God says that perfect love casts out fear! Where there is the love of God, there is no place for fear!

To die to self, is to live a life that is God-centered, not self-centered. To die to self, is to to love God so much, so much that all you want to do is to please God, and not men. To die to self, is to serve God through His people with a humble attitude.

When you can do that, the devil can no longer use fear to torment you, to break you apart from divine relationships with other people. He will have no hold over you. Because you are already dead to yourself. You are on your way to a glorious future filled with love and power!